Hope in Hopelessness
I nearly pissed in my pants everytime I had to go to the bathroom.
That's how it is when you have a broken ankle and have to use crutches to get you everywhere you need to go. I had given up. I would wait to the very last minute before I would get up and go to the bathroom and at that point... it would almost be too late.
No one really came to visit me during this time but that is more so because I told them not to. I couldn't clean the house! My husband, God bless him, did what he could when he wasn't at work. Some days, he just had to pick the most pressing thing and get it done before he would have to leave. He would say "do you want me to cook and leave you some food or clean the house?" Ummm, food please! I chose food everytime lol. And with a 3 year old, you can imagine the mess builds up in the house pretty quickly. Actually, I think he took advantage of me in my state of weakness lol I'm laughing now but it wasn't so funny then.
In comes hopelessness!
So I lied, I did get a visitor after all. A very sad one that would tell me sad things about my situation. It made me google things about my ankle, articles that said that I could be in pain the rest of my life. It told me to eat more, because I was in pain and I deserved more pain and so I listened. But, when I gained the extra 5 pounds, it told me I would never get it off. What a snake! So, here I am now feeling sorry for myself, afraid I would never walk like I used to and how could I? I had gained more weight now, adding more pressure to my ankle, which may never fully heal!! See what it did there... Hopelessness, you were great for a minute (literally) but you have over stayed your welcome. But like in any bad relationship, how do you get rid of the bad? You can't just break up, can you? Easier said than done, that's for sure. But even then, there's that feeling, nudging you on the inside, telling you what you already know. It's time for it to go!
It was simple really. In my attempt to get rid of my unwanted visitor, I stumbled on and began watching a TED talk with a woman talking about just that, "Hope in hopelessness". To see the video click here. Her daughter was dying. She spoke for maybe 20min and she didn't shed a tear. A true testimony of strength. Surely, if she could find hope in a situation that seemed as dire and dark as hers and even go on to turn it into a positive, so could I. She spoke about how her daughters condition made the people around her even strangers more compassionate, how it taught them things, to be better people and that she has experienced the beauty of humanity.
Surely, my situation was nowhere similar to hers but it helped put some perspective to my situation and reminded me that no matter the outcome, there would be hope in one way, shape or form. And there was! She may never know it but her story helped to restore my hope. I got rid of my unwelcomed guest, who was taking up way too much space, if you ask me, and welcomed in a new visitor, one that would encouraged me and carry me through my recovery and can do the same for you.