Our Secret Ingredient to a Winning Marriage | Danie O
There are so many articles and resources available out there that will tell you how to win in marriage. Here’s another one lol
I’m glad to report that we have been able to make it to Year Six. I remember thinking that we were safe, from marriage failure or decline, after our fourth year. After all, they say that couples begin to experience more challenges at this stage and the statistics aren’t on our side at that point. What is it they say? Something like 50% of marriages end in divorce? Yeah, no wonder there are so many articles for how to win. We need all the advice we can get lol All jokes aside though, I really thought we were good after four. We were still in love with each other and didn’t want to hurt one another. Until, I heard it was actually seven years, meaning that you have a higher chance of your marriage succeeding, if you made it past year seven. One year to go! Let’s do it baby!
In my now, 6 years of marriage, I have learned a lot and have endured a lot. I have already experienced the feeling of why did I get married? And did I choose the right person? To feeling like I’m living with a roommate and going through the motions. But, the crazy thing about it is, I feel the best is yet to come and my husband and I can agree on that fact. It’s like we know there’s a dark cloud hovering over us but we know that if we can withstand the storm, we will come out on the brighter side of our marriage. What's our secret but 'not so secret' ingredient for us to get there? The will to fight for our marriage. What?! That’s it? Simply put, yes.
Many couples throw in the towel, without having even seeking out help. It’s like they give up the fight, without even trying and perhaps, it’s more than the fight but rather, the determination to fight. To get back up no matter how many blows and no matter how many times you’ve been (or simply felt) knocked down. My husband and I chose to fight for our marriage and our family to thrive. It’s something we’ve always commonly agreed on. So, what are some examples of what fighting looks like for us in our marriage: Well, for starters, I don’t mean actually fighting in case that wasn’t obvious. It consists of picking our battles wisely (This is true of parenting as well). Am I going to make a big fuss because he didn’t wash the bowl he used for lunch and left it on the counter top, instead for me to clean? Or will I let that go? Well, I’ll let it go. I’m doing the dishes any way + there are so many other things we can argue about. Instead, I’d rather focus my energy on expressing how he might have hurt my feelings when he didn’t go to that party with me (the one I told him he could sit out on but I didn’t really mean it). Fighting is waking up and deciding that no matter what his attitude may be, I will try to be that loving wife I promised and vowed to be. Fighting is dropping off the kids at my parents house so that when he comes home from work, we can have some 'Us' time. Believe it or not, 'Us' time is hard to make now a days but, it is important. And obviously, prayer is the weapon we can’t go without. Communication is another one. Being able to talk to your partner about these dry seasons and knowing that you guys are willing to do what it takes to win, even when it sucks. But, you have to be able to do that and that is part of the will to fight. You have to want it, prepare yourselves and execute the plan/do the work.
Now, I’m no professional and again, it’s only been six years and so, we have ways to go. But, what I know for sure is our willingness to win has gotten us this far and I urge you to do the same to fight for your happily ever after. I look forward to coming through on the other side and reporting another couple of forever’s with my hubby.
In the meantime, we’ll continue to fight. Fight in prayer and asking God to continue to watch over us, bless us and be the glue that binds us forever, together in love just like we did on that faithful day, six years ago. And so, here is to Year Seven! May it truly be the year of perfection in our marriage.
What are your tips to winning at marriage? Share them below!